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3429 Mike Davies <msdavi@w...> 1996‑08‑06 Galootapalooza!
        Well, I just back from galootapalooza 1 yesterday afternoon, and
        after having a quiet evening to contemplate the whole thing, I
        must say that I'm absolutely appalled at the behavior of some of
        the parties involved. In fact, I feel so strongly about this
        that I feel compelled to name some of those concerned
        ............:^) :^)

*Ralph Brendler*, a man who many consider eligible for sainthood for his
stand on handtools, and a person I have always admired for his
seriousness and ability to plan events down to the last detail. Despite
months planning this event, come Saturday morning and Ralph decides to
throw all caution to the wind and play a little joke on fellow galoot
Mike Davies coming in from St. Louis. Scheduled to leave from Ralph's
house at noon, Ralph and crew decide to pull out at 11:40 am, to get a
head start on things. I imagine that driving out to the flea, they
probably pulled over at noon to roll on the side of the road laughing as
they thought of Mike arriving to an empty house The man attempted to
atone for his tricks by giving a detailed tour of his basement workshop
and remodeled kitchen after the flea market. We were all so wowed by the
detail and craftsmanship of *THE* tool chest, and the handmade cabinetry
in the kitchen, that we *almost* overlooked the dust collection system
in the basement. Ralph, when questioned, was at a loss to explain how it
got there, but did stammer something about scrapers making lots of dust
on certain woods. As if this was not enough, in this age of health
consciousness and moderation, our host provided no end of bratwurst and
other health foods for our gluttonous pleasure. He then went on to
celebrate the success of "galootapalooza 1" by getting drunk and falling
down. He was aided and abetted in this erroneous behavior
by...........................

*Jerry Serviss*, who by the very nature of his youth may be forgiven.
Jerry, as co-host of the event, went overboard in his quest to create a
cake for the event, complete with a "Stanley bench plane" image on top.
Unfortunately, the image, created entirely out of icing, bore such a
striking resemblance to those on Jay Sutherland's pages that I fear
there may have been some copyright infringement involved. I was
gratified to note that the plane in question appeared to have a lumpy
sole, but whether this was intentional, or brought on by the process of
applying the icing, was not clear to me. In addition, Jerry brought us
such memorable side dishes as refreshing melon balls looking like they'd
been shaped by a #55 combination plane, complete with tearout, but they
sure tasted good. I'm quite sure Jerry has chosen the wrong field at
Motorola, and instead should have gone into the catering business. This
feat of culinary excellence brings me to........

*Lee Sudlow*, a man old enough to know better than to provide such a
vast quantity of fine Hefeweissen for such an unrestrained group. I feel
sure that if his employer were to discover his true calling in life, he
would be banned from the scholarly field of neurophysiology, if only for
the number of neurons he has destroyed in his immediate proximity. We
were also appalled to discover that Lee has put forth so much effort
into the brewing aspect of his life that he *still* hasn't finished his
infill project, although he appears to have become a master at
draw-filing. The man should be horse whipped until he gets his
priorities in order. All this talk of brewing brings me
to..........................

Steve Mashl, who from his gentle postings on Oldtools we had believed to
consume nothing stronger than orange juice. Imagine our shock, when this
same man, after a long hot drive in from Iowa, apparently momentarily
checked his manners at the door and at first seemed more interested in
meeting the beer cooler than his fellow galoots (OTOH, I know at least
one of us was impressed to see someone with his priorities in order). As
if this were not enough, in an effort to prove who was the best man, he
later took part in an obscene contest with another galoot to see who had
the biggest tool. I'm afraid the rest of us were forced to look the
other way out of modesty. Steve atoned for his actions later on in the
evening, when, at just after 11:00pm, the beer ran out. You can imagine
the looks of suspicion and disbelief that flew back and forth among the
small group as all of us, knowing full well we'd started with 5 gallons,
wondered where it had all gone. Thoughts like "No way did I drink a
whole gallon", or "There musta been a leak", went through our heads.
Just before the fisti-cuffs over who'd drank more than his share were
about to start, Steve magically produce a fresh supply from his car, and
peace ruled again. Boy... touchy situation there for a few moments,
though. Moving on, words fail me when it comes to...........

Russ Allen, a chap also normally known for his mild manner, who also
took part in the "big tool" contest and won it outright, without even
exposing his nether regions. Russ showed his prototype "model #312"
scraper plane casting, a plane which sorta looks like a
#112 on steroids. Russ was purposefully vague on where he's going
with this concept, but I got the impression the ultimate goal is to have
a scraper plane large enough to contain a small steam power plant (for
propulsion) and a cockpit for the operator. The patented device would
also come with an optional trailer with high sides to catch the shavings
as they were ejected, by means of a carefully crafted shaving aperture,
over the operators head and into the trailer. The potential market, with
all the Bowling alleys in the country, is huge... Imagine... Ice rinks
have their Zamboni ice resurfacers, Bowling alleys can now have their
"Nonesuch model
#1012" alley scrapers...
        Finally, I am mortified to report that we have a evil presence
        in our midst; one who buys single molding planes out of matched
        sets. We shall not utter his name here; he knows who he is and
        he can rest certain in the knowledge that justice will be
        dispatched with certainty from Ashby upon High. Fortunately for
        our story, another galoot was able to scoop up what remained of
        the partial set of planes, in the hope that at some point the
        first party will see the error of his ways and allow the planes
        to be re-united. For the time being, while the planes aren't
        together, let's just say they're all in the same family (of
        galoots, that is :^) There were many, many other incidents all
        bordering on the pornographic (in the tool sense) that I simply
        cannot bring myself to mention...... All in all, we all had a
        great time, and as ashamed I am of all the wanton debauchery and
        gluttony expressed, I can't wait to do it again next year
        (month?) Sunday was a little calmer as we dragged our butts
        outta bed to get out to Garfield Farm at a reasonable hour for
        the tool meet. There I met Harry Doscher and Mike Lindgren and
        once again ran into fellow St. Louisan Mike Urness. There was a
        group picture taken in front of Mike's table, which will
        probably appear at Ralph's homepage in the next few days. I'm
        easy to recognize - I'm the 6'-0" runt who is dwarfed by the
        rest of these galoots, most of which are wearing hats. Paddy,
        you'd better sign me up for one in the second batch :^)

- Mike

Disclaimer - much of the above drivel is entirely non-factual and was
more than likely brought on by the possibly lasting effects of consuming
too much of Lee's fine home-brew on a pleasant Chicago evening. So
please don't take offense at my feeble attempt at humor. I enjoyed
meeting all of you; if anyone is to blame, it's Lee :^) :^)


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