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271346 Thomas Bruce <tom.bruce.trb@g...> 2020‑06‑29 Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Folks:
I have, here in my hot little hand, the handle from a Millers Falls
Alford-type hand vise.  At the moment, its highest and best future use
might be as a sort of maraca, because I can hear the rattle of tiny parts
and bits inside when I shake it.

And, sadly for you, that reminds me of a story.  I have a good friend who
worked for some years as a gigging guitarist in New York.  He lucked into
one of those bread-and-butter jobs that working musicians badly need,
working as an orchestra contractor for a caterer who ran a number of large
banquet halls in the Bronx.  Now, as some of you may know, every -- by
which I mean EVERY -- musician in a large city who has a union card works
on New Year's Eve. In fact, there's usually a shortage in the metro New
York area.  And so it was that my friend found himself working a New Year's
Eve party with himself as the guitarist, a keyboard guy, a bass player, and
a "percussionist" who was horribly late.  When the guy finally did show up,
he had with him....a pair of maracas.  And that was it.  A pair of maracas.

The band struggled through the evening, as you might imagine, with the
gentle, sometimes amplified shake-shake-shake of the maracas accompanying
popular party hits.  Finally, at 1 AM, a rather well-lubricated member of
the audience staggered up to the stage and said, "Can you guys play
'Stairway to Heaven'?".  My pal snapped. "Look at us," he said, through
clenched teeth.  " LOOK AT US.  LOOK. AT. US.  DO WE *LOOK* LIKE WE CAN
PLAY STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN ??!!??".

Anyway, I'd like to expand the use of the Alford vise handle beyond its
potential as half of a pair of maracas by unscrewing the cap and rescuing
whatever's inside, but the damn thing is stuck.  A judicious application of
paraffin based bicycle chain lube loosened it some, but it's still stuck;
guessing the whole thing is both swollen and dry.   Anybody got any good
ideas for what to do?  I did try clamping it in a soft-jawed vise and using
one of those strap-type jar openers, but no dice.

Advice, and renditions of Stairway to Heaven on non-traditional instrument,
are welcome.

All the best,
T.

-- 
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
Thomas R. Bruce
tom.bruce.trb@g...
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
271347 "yorkshireman@y..." <yorkshireman@y...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Au contraire,  
Always a good day when old galoots prove the plague hasn’t got to them - and a
double bonus if they have a Tale to tell.  Tool tales we get a plenty, it’s the
asides into dog control and vans down by the river, and tractor collecting that
we enjoy..


Richard Wilson
the Yorkshumbrian
271348 Erik Levin 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Tom asked:

> Advice, and renditions of Stairway to Heaven on non-traditional instrument,
> are welcome.


For the threads, the only thought I would have is to rehydrate the cap to get it
to expand. Might not be the best way, or even a good way at all, but I can think
of no other. I might, being not wrapped as tightly as I should be, might put a
few CC of water in a rubber balloon and then stretch the neck over the cap so
that the end grain of the cap is exposed to the moisture within, but the handle
is not. Then let is sit so that moisture can work in. I'm sure there are better
ways.


For the music, you will find a number of renditions on steel drum (a genre I
appreciate when in certain moods), as well as what might be my favourite, you
will find one as done on the didgeridoo. Maybe more than one. Then, of course,
you have the "Gilligan's Island (Stairway)" version from the late 1970's.


*** This message was sent from a convenience email service, and the reply
address(es) may not match the originating address
271349 "Ed O'" <edo@e...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
I would first try putting it in the freezer for a while and see if that did
anything.  If that didn't work I would try a short amount of time in an oven
at a very low temperature.  Then maybe pack it in a plastic bag filled with
desiccant.  The crystal cat litters are supposed to be silica gel and are
probably cheaper and easier to source than silica gel.

I would think it is caused by either moisture, old hardened lube (wax) on
the threads, or one of the threads is no longer completely round.  One of
the three steps should handle moisture or hardened wax.

Ed O'
-----Original Message-----

Folks:
I have, here in my hot little hand, the handle from a Millers Falls
Alford-type hand vise.  At the moment, its highest and best future use might
be as a sort of maraca, because I can hear the rattle of tiny parts and bits
inside when I shake it.

Anyway, I'd like to expand the use of the Alford vise handle beyond its
potential as half of a pair of maracas by unscrewing the cap and rescuing
whatever's inside, but the damn thing is stuck.  A judicious application of
paraffin based bicycle chain lube loosened it some, but it's still stuck;
guessing the whole thing is both swollen and dry.   Anybody got any good
ideas for what to do?  I did try clamping it in a soft-jawed vise and using
one of those strap-type jar openers, but no dice.

All the best,
T.
271350 Ed Minch <ruby1638@a...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
I generally like to follow a stint in the freezer with a warm bath of air from a
heat gun or torch.

Rf
271351 Ed Minch <ruby1638@a...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
> On Jun 29, 2020, at 8:12 AM, Thomas Bruce  wrote:
> 
> Advice, and renditions of Stairway to Heaven on non-traditional instrument,
> are welcome.
> 
> All the best,
> T.



Not Stairway to Heavan, but close

https://www.youtube.com/wa
tch?v=21O64fYApXQ <htt
ps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21O64fYApXQ>

My daughter has a good friend who was the instrument curator for the
Metropolitan Museum in NYC for something like 40 years until he retired about
2016-7.  He personnaly purchased many of the rare intruments for the museum as
he built the collection in his visio  They have a couple of Stradivarius
instruments - maybe 2 violins and a cello?

On a visit, he showed us such items as a xylophone made of schist (rock music he
said), human skulls made into drums made by African tribes for sale to
westerners even though they never did that on their own, and 1/8 size violins
used by dance masters as a portable instrument for classes.  Then I got to play
several cool instruments soon to be displayed in their show on Italian/American
makers, featuring the three biggies - D”Angelico, D’Aquisto, and Monteleone,
with one from the late 17th c guitar in for good luck.

https://yalebooksblog.co.uk/2011/04/08/guitar-heroes-yale-and-the-
metropolitan-museum-of-art-celebrate-legendary-guitar-makers/ <https://yalebooksblog.co.uk/2011/04/08/guitar-heroes-yale-and-the-
metropolitan-museum-of-art-celebrate-legendary-guitar-makers/>

I got to briefly play the blue one in the group of 4.  It had inlays on the
INSIDE of the curved sides visible through a soundport cut in one of the sides.
I forget which one, but one of the 4 had diamonds inlaid inside.

They have the world’s oldest piano at 1720.  I asked if it was playable and he
said every instrument in the collection is playable and would I like to play it.
I stepped up and played the few chords I know from Here Comes the Sun.  He said
a freind was in the previous week and had played most of Stairway to Heaven on
it.

Listen to how wonderful it sounds

https://www.pianistmagazine.com/blogs/the-worlds-oldest-piano-1/
<https://www.pianistmagazine.com/blogs/the-worlds-oldest-piano-1/>


Ed Minch
271352 Kirk Eppler 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 5:13 AM Thomas Bruce 
wrote:

>
> I have, here in my hot little hand, the handle from a Millers Falls
> Alford-type hand vise.
>
> Anyway, I'd like to expand the use of the Alford vise handle beyond its
> potential as half of a pair of maracas by unscrewing the cap and rescuing
> whatever's inside, but the damn thing is stuck.  A judicious application of
> paraffin based bicycle chain lube loosened it some, but it's still stuck;
> guessing the whole thing is both swollen and dry.   Anybody got any good
> ideas for what to do?  I did try clamping it in a soft-jawed vise and using
> one of those strap-type jar openers, but no dice.
>
>

If this was in my hot little hand, I would sit quietly until the other
Thomas, heof Conroy, checks in.  He's got lots of great wood thread ideas.
-- 
Kirk Eppler in Half Moon Bay, who spent a little time cleaning and moving
tools over the weekend, including a 24" Starrett combo square, and some
dividers and calipers, purchased 2 years ago.  This breakneck speed is
terrifying.
271353 Patrick Olguin <paddychulo@g...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Maraca you say? Consider yourself lucky. Given that half my family hails
from Mexico, I have had significant experience with maracas. This reminds
me of a regular gig my band had, backing a local (and quite popular)
burlesque troupe here in LA (sprawling megalopolis in Southern California,
Richard). We did monthly shows, providing every style of music for ladies
bumping, grinding, and dancing their way to various, and universally scant
states of undress.

One of my favorite performers, a former Princess at Disneyland, asked us to
play a samba. I had visions of Harry Belafonte’s “Jump in Line,” but it
required more rehearsal time than we had available, so we went with one of
our standards - Tequila, by The Champs.

Our performer - her stage name is Vanda Mystere - loves to get the band
involved, especially me, because I have no shame, and having been married
twice, am used to being humiliated by women. Her idea was to come out in a
legit Carmen Miranda outfit, complete with impossibly high headwear, and
start to dance to the samba beat of Tequila’s intro. She was going to
pretend to have no sense of rhythm, and wanted to accentuate that fact by
shaking some maracas in the whitest way possible. I, being of
Latin-American extraction, was to demonstrate proper technique, and then
hand the maracas back for her to give it a try. My contribution, other than
my amazing innate sense of rhythm, was the maracas themselves - old family
heirlooms from a Mexico of long ago (I’m lying, I found ‘em for 75 cents at
a yard sale, worked the guy down from $1.50).

My lesson of course was doomed too fail, and when we decided she was
unteachable, she would do what any red-blooded person would do in that
situation - she’d take her clothes off. Ah, the life of a musician.

The music started and Vanda appeared, dancing, wiggling, and really
emphasizing beats that were nowhere in the rhythm. Her maraca shaking
sounded like a rattlesnake on crack, trying to keep time to the Hokey
Pokey. I beckoned her to come over, and after ever-so-gently taking the
precious maracas from her hands, demonstrated the clave rhythm required for
the song. Oh, a small point of order: Vanda didn’t know these were junk
maracas from a yard sale.

She tried again, fairing no better, except that this time she put a bit of
her body into the shaking, much to the delight of the audience. I of course
kept a very straight face, as I was primarily concerned with helping this
damsel in distress (soon to be in dis-dress) use instruments of my
forefathers. I once again demonstrated the proper technique,
enthusiastically handing back the maracas to the former Disney princess.
Appearing to have finally grasped the concept, she shook with the heart and
soul of Shakira, but with the grace of Dumbo. Her maraca whiplash was so
violent, the head of one maraca disengaged from the handle, and sailed
across the dance floor, leaving a powdery contrail that would have made an
SR-71 jealous.

The look of genuine shock on her face was the single most organic moment
I’ve experienced in my decades of live entertainment. I wish we had it on
video. The audience exploded. I reluctantly stayed somewhat in character as
I gently took the the tattered remains of my noble maracas - la musica de
mi gente - from her trembling hands. In my best there-there gesture, I
patted her shoulder to let her know it was ok. I retreated to the
bandstand, and Vanda, bloodied but unbowed by the unfortunate
instrument-fail, danced out of her fabulous costume as we wailed away our
rendition of that 1957 favorite.

So Tom, you might consider shaking that handle to see if it’ll loosen a
bit, and if that doesn’t work, there’s always Vanda.

Best,
Paddy
On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 5:13 AM Thomas Bruce 
wrote:
271354 "yorkshireman@y..." <yorkshireman@y...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Paddy gives us a Tale.  It’s good, but but, 

But where’s the Number 8 ?


R
271355 Tim Pendleton <tpendleton@g...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
On June 29, 2020, at 3:52 PM, Patrick Olguin  wrote:

>Maraca you say? Consider yourself lucky. Given that half my family hails
>from Mexico, I have had significant experience with maracas. This reminds
>me of a regular gig my band had ...

Oh Boy...Wifey will never let me have a set of maracas now!

Tim
271356 Kevin Foley <kevin.m.foley@c...> 2020‑06‑29 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
I’m going to shake some tool handles like maracas and hope Vonda shows up.

Sent from my iPad
271357 Dragon List <dragon01list@g...> 2020‑06‑30 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
loving the stories.  paddy, i assume you were playing a benge?

thank you, gentlemen.  tom, i hope you pursue the handle removal effort to
this:

https://www.youtube.com/wa
tch?v=t-NaY7oPZr0

best,
bill
felton, ca
271358 scott grandstaff <scottg@s...> 2020‑06‑30 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Wooden screws can sometimes be impossible.
Its sad, but its a fact.
   All I can suggest is to add a lubricant and "rock it".
In times of really bad stuck I have even resorted to ordinary 
lubricating oil.
Same 10wt I use to lube practically everything.
   Hold it up so it can soak into the treads and pump some in.

Start twisting back and forth. Trying to force big movements anywhere 
seldom pays off.
So rock it back and forth. You'll get a bit of movement.
  Capitalize on that movement. Keep working it in the sweet spot and it 
will begin to move a tiny bit further each stroke. Just keep rocking it. 
Adding lube occasionally.
Don't get greedy or it'll stick again. Keep rocking.
  Sometimes you have to rock it all the way off.
     yours scott



-- 
*******************************
    Scott Grandstaff
    Box 409 Happy Camp, Ca  96039
    scottg@s...
    http://www.snowcrest.n
et/kitty/sgrandstaff/
    http://www.snowcr
est.net/kitty/hpages/index.html
271359 Thomas Conroy 2020‑07‑01 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Scott wrote: "Wooden screws can sometimes be impossible.
Its sad, but its a fact."
Correct as always. Don't despair, though; remember that wooden screws expand and
contract with changes in climate. Sometimes they are frozen at one end of the
year but loosen up at the other. Checking it once a month for six months may get
you to the sweet part of the year. Sometimes they freeze when going from one
kind of heating to another. That can be trickier to diagnose, but not so
difficult to treat, if you allow for time to acclimatize to a better climate.
(but remember that a wooden screw can freeze up either by shrinking or by
expanding).
Tom Conroy
271361 Thomas Bruce <tom.bruce.trb@g...> 2020‑07‑02 Re: Call for ingenuity: loosening a wooden screw
Robert:

You weren't at North Texas State, were you?  And, yeah, actually, as it
happens, I have a pretty good idea how many times you can play the Faure
Requiem.  I dated, and very nearly married, a working cellist in Boston.
Most of her year's income was earned between November 1 and January 15,
which is pretty much Messiah season in Boston -- and she was playing for
every baroque ensemble in town (there are 5 that pay well).   I became
deeply familiar with the treatment of tendonitis, and the tedious but
important process of selecting cello shoes (must meet dress codes for BSO,
Handel and Haydn, Cecilia, and Pops, be flat, and non-slip, which is
actually a fairly demanding set of criteria).   There are any number of
stories from that era, but my favorites involve 1) a four-cello version of
"Shattered", which works amazingly well; 2) 49 lobsters, a baroque cello, a
modern cello, and herself in a Honda Civic driving from southern Maine to
Wilton, NH (write your own punch line; she thought the lobsters would get
loose in the car and the authorities would find her bleached bones stripped
of all flesh in the car), and 3) the night that I persuaded her and a
half-dozen of her baroque-ie colleagues to join me in seeing Gang of Four
at a club called Spit.   Everyone involved had a surprisingly good time.

Also, in a former life, I stage-managed four Traviatas and did monitor mix
for a Missing Persons tour in the course of one year and three months.
 For a year after that, anything in waltz time caused me to go full Oedipus
with a pair of screwdrivers.  I can only image what too many Moonglows
could do to you.

T.

On Tue, Jun 30, 2020 at 6:53 AM Robert Brazile  wrote:

> Tom,
>
> Just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart (or gut, perhaps) for
> that story. I couldn't stop laughing this morning when I read it, then read
> it to my wife, who similarly cracked up.
>
> FWIW, I made spending money in high school and college playing somewhat
> similar gigs with the other members of the rhythm section of my high school
> and college jazz band. In Dallas of that era, while NYE was a thing, that
> was mostly for the union cats. For people like me, it was three other times
> of year: Easter (that was violin, though: you have no idea how many times
> I've played Faure's "Requiem" and Dubois "The Seven Last Words of Christ",
> but it was excellent money), Christmas (Vivaldi "Gloria", Handel
> "Hallelujah Chorus") and the spring time Rotary/Kiwanis/Lions/KofC/Masons
> banquet circuit. This was the late 70s and the mostly WW2-veteran aged
> crowd had an infinite appetite for Great American Songbook standards played
> by a small trio of (cheap) high school students. Had a fake book and a
> Reader's Digest compendium of "America's Favorite Songs" or something like
> that: hey kids, can we get another run through "Moonglow"...?
>
> The most memorable for me was having to sit through the guest speaker at
> one of those gigs who was a grifter of some kind there to explain how the
> syncopated nature of that evil rock music was designed to weaken not just
> the moral fiber of good Americans but the physical fiber as well: he
> proceeded to demonstrate how the melody of "Can't Get No Satisfaction"
> would cause you to lose strength in your arms. I kid you not, he had some
> poor woman come up to the lectern, where he would have her lift something
> like a small dumbbell with her arm straight out, have her hold it for a few
> moments, then play the first few bars of "Satisfaction" on a tape deck.
> Amazingly, she couldn't lift it as far or hold it up as long the second
> time! I know, shocked us, too. We generally were able to keep from
> sniggering too loudly at these affairs, but it was tough sometimes...
>
> They were nice old folks, though, they loved us because we were clean cut,
> relatively speaking (what hair I had back then), polite, and knew the
> "real" music. And they paid us well, for high school kids. I'm sure union
> musicians would have had other thoughts.
>
> Robert
>
> p.s. wish I had a solution to your stuck screw. Soaking it in something
> like penetrating oil is the first thing that comes to mind, but that might
> have other bad effects. Good luck!
>
> On Mon, Jun 29, 2020 at 8:13 AM Thomas Bruce 
> wrote:
>
>> Folks:
>> I have, here in my hot little hand, the handle from a Millers Falls
>> Alford-type hand vise.  At the moment, its highest and best future use
>> might be as a sort of maraca, because I can hear the rattle of tiny parts
>> and bits inside when I shake it.
>>
>> And, sadly for you, that reminds me of a story.  I have a good friend who
>> worked for some years as a gigging guitarist in New York.  He lucked into
>> one of those bread-and-butter jobs that working musicians badly need,
>> working as an orchestra contractor for a caterer who ran a number of large
>> banquet halls in the Bronx.  Now, as some of you may know, every -- by
>> which I mean EVERY -- musician in a large city who has a union card works
>> on New Year's Eve. In fact, there's usually a shortage in the metro New
>> York area.  And so it was that my friend found himself working a New
>> Year's
>> Eve party with himself as the guitarist, a keyboard guy, a bass player,
>> and
>> a "percussionist" who was horribly late.  When the guy finally did show
>> up,
>> he had with him....a pair of maracas.  And that was it.  A pair of
>> maracas.
>>
>> The band struggled through the evening, as you might imagine, with the
>> gentle, sometimes amplified shake-shake-shake of the maracas accompanying
>> popular party hits.  Finally, at 1 AM, a rather well-lubricated member of
>> the audience staggered up to the stage and said, "Can you guys play
>> 'Stairway to Heaven'?".  My pal snapped. "Look at us," he said, through
>> clenched teeth.  " LOOK AT US.  LOOK. AT. US.  DO WE *LOOK* LIKE WE CAN
>> PLAY STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN ??!!??".
>>
>> Anyway, I'd like to expand the use of the Alford vise handle beyond its
>> potential as half of a pair of maracas by unscrewing the cap and rescuing
>> whatever's inside, but the damn thing is stuck.  A judicious application
>> of
>> paraffin based bicycle chain lube loosened it some, but it's still stuck;
>> guessing the whole thing is both swollen and dry.   Anybody got any good
>> ideas for what to do?  I did try clamping it in a soft-jawed vise and
>> using
>> one of those strap-type jar openers, but no dice.
>>
>> Advice, and renditions of Stairway to Heaven on non-traditional
>> instrument,
>> are welcome.
>>
>> All the best,
>> T.
>>
>> --
>> +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
>> Thomas R. Bruce
>> tom.bruce.trb@g...
>> +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
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>>
>

-- 
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
Thomas R. Bruce
tom.bruce.trb@g...
https://workingtools.biz  (for vintage wo
odworking and machinist tools)
https://tombrucemusic.space  (for elec
tronic music)
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

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